66 From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. 67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? 68 Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. 69 And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God. John 6:66-69 (KJV)
Even though those of us who are in Christ would prefer it not be so, we are as Luther said, “Simul Justus et Peccator,” which means, in our justification we are one and the same time righteous or just, and sinners. Here is a link to R.C. Sproul’s explanation of it. It seems in my case that every time I find myself doing some very good Biblical research or exegetical work that I follow that up with, it seems to me as very sudden by-the-way, some sort of fleshly behavior that requires me to spend some time at the throne of grace confessing and repenting….
It is at those times that I request God to take me home for I cannot stand myself behaving like I did before He had mercy on me. However, since I am still here it is obvious He is still working on me. I believe that apostates are those who’s faith was not genuine and when tests of their faith came upon them they could not take the pressure and so they walked away as John reported in John 6:66. Even though I don’t like it, I am positive that my failures are tests of my faith and God is using them to show me that I am not as mature as I thought I was, that is, He is keeping me humble. Those with genuine faith will remain as Peter told Jesus in John 6:68-69. Below is today’s devotional from Spurgeon’s Morning by Morning for October 23, which is his take on this.