[Transcript of last night’s broadcast of “Eternity Today”]
HOST: Welcome, welcome to another “Eternity Today,” the show that has the whole afterlife talking! I’m your host, Monty Griffin; and please give a warm welcome to tonight’s special guest, Western Civilization. [Applause. Exchange of pleasantries.]
HOST: Western Civilization has just died after a run of—what was it?—at least 3,000 years. Pretty good, eh? [Applause] So tell us, Western Civilization. When you finally crashed and burned… what were you doing?
WESTERN CIVILIZATION: [Shuffles feet. Looks at floor. Mumbles incoherently.]
HOST: Relax! It’s all over now—learn to be comfy in eternity. Just tell us what you were doing when the crash came.
WESTERN CIVILIZATION: Well… Like… Oh, man, this is so embarrassing! We… well, we were making up genders. Okay? Dozens of new genders! And new sexual lifestyles to go with them! And new laws against saying it was a really bad idea.
HOST [amazed]: You mean, while the Chinese communists were dominating your markets, buying their way into Hollywood and into so many of your universities…. And inventing new diseases, like the one that wiped you out… instead of watching them closely and trying to prevent them from doing stuff like that, you guys were…sheesh!… inventing new genders?