If we are supposed to listen to a guy talk about “life lessons,” “relationship skills,” and “practical advice for successful living” at a church worship service, wouldn’t there be Bible verses in the New Testament where we (the church) are taught that? How is that even a “worship service?” Is a motivational speech really the same thing as hearing from God’s Word?
(Steven Kozar – Messed Up Church) There are lots of things that Christians believe that are not in the Bible. At all. Continue reading
Lee Duigon offers a satirical look at what he views could cause the death of Western Civilization.
[Transcript of last night’s broadcast of “Eternity Today”]
HOST: Welcome, welcome to another “Eternity Today,” the show that has the whole afterlife talking! I’m your host, Monty Griffin; and please give a warm welcome to tonight’s special guest, Western Civilization. [Applause. Exchange of pleasantries.] Continue reading
What is the Evangelical Industrial Complex (EIC)? Some Christians believe that a powerful evangelical “celebrity machine” exists in the visible Church. What exaclty is the EIC? According to dictionaryofchristianese.com: Major publishers of Christian books, music, and other media as alleged to be secretly, if informally, in league to promote and support selected high-profile Christian pastors, preachers, authors, and musicians in order to continue to make money from sales of books and other media products. Such promotion and support is alleged to be behind the downplaying or eliminating of any criticism or scandal that touches these high-profile Christian leaders.
Over at Messed Up Church, blogger Steven Kozar has penned a thank you note from the EIC — it’s satire: Continue reading
If you can’t hear Todd, click on the YouTube link at the bottom of the video
(Steven Kozar – Messed Up Church) If you want to abandon your Christian faith and become mentally unstable, just follow these simple steps:
- “It all starts with a Dream! A God-Sized Dream!” To get started, you must believe that God expects you to dream up some outlandish desire in order to accomplish your Destiny. Because if you attempt to “do the impossible,” God will miraculously answer your prayers and thus “get all the glory.” You must take risks, step out in faith, and do something impossible.
(Steven Kozar – Museum of Idolatry) Tired of getting no results with old-fashioned, Bible-based Christianity? It’s time to go off the map with Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton and all of their New Apostolic Reformation friends! In this first episode of this series we will focus on the fortune-telling aspect of the “Encounter Gospel,” so get out your tarot cards, oops… I mean get out your Destiny Cards and let’s get started! Here’s a quick summary of the new and better Gospel of the Kingdom:
- People aren’t really that bad, they just need to be convinced of how special they are-they need to understand their “true identity.”
- Religion is the real source of people’s problems, not rebellion against God (sin).
- God is desperately trying to get people to “accept” Him, but He’s been hindered by the historic Christian Church, with its specific, Biblical teachings about Salvation, Heaven and Hell, The Atonement of Jesus Christ, and all other forms of unnecessary “head knowledge” found in the Bible.
- People would believe in God if they could just see some proof for themselves.
- Bethel teaches how to give people the proof they need to believe that God is real, He loves them, and He wants all of their dreams to come true so they can fulfill their “Destiny.” Continue reading
Is there a link between Bethel Church in Redding CA and occultism as some discernment ministries have been reporting (here)? Steven Kozar of Messed Up Church presents the shocking evidence that the claims made by discerners are indeed true. Here’s Kozar’s report:
We all know how important it is to have massive encounters with God, right? Well, now it can be fun, too! Introducing the brand new board game from Bethel Church in Redding, California: “The Bethel Board!” (And it’s just in time for Christmas!)
Following is a satirical piece written in 2008 by the late Ken Silva:
Apprising Ministries gave you a description of this social justice “Jesus,” whose roots are firmly within spiritually bankrupt liberal theology, years ago in Will The Real Jesus Please Stand Up?
I am the Jesus of today’s liberal theology of inclusive, politically correct, universalism. I am only a human man—arguably the best example of a man and the greatest teacher to yet live. However, I was not born of a virgin; nor did I actually rise from the dead. Unfortunately as a mere Jewish Rabbi, I attracted such devoted followers that even after my death they wanted to keep my spirit alive so to speak. And so they went and built this elaborate theology around me, which is largely based on the writings of that rascal Paul. Sadly, they ended up making me into a god.
But I never I made any such outlandish claims. I teach that the most important thing we can do is to love one another. You see, that’s all that matters because we are the brotherhood of man. No one should ever criticize what another person honestly believes about God. After-all, all of humanity is actually already all God’s children. And even though we may take different paths of religion in this life, as all religions please God if they are sincere, in the end—as in Love Wins a la Rob Bell—we’ll all be with God because everyone is eventually going to be saved. Mankind is just too good to be condemned and God is too good to condemn him.
Steve Kozar of Messed Up Church offers 7 ways for professing Christians to rebuff “discernment bloggers” in order to hang on to beliefs not found in Scripture, should they so choose. Here are his suggestions:
Want to stay comfortable in your (theologically shallow & Biblically illiterate) Christian beliefs? Even if those beliefs are not really based on God’s Word?? Of course you do! Here’s a guide that will keep you in the dark, and will help you to avoid the bothersome content of whichever discernment bloggers are currently bugging you:
Start with this assumption: There aren’t any false teachers. With this handy starting point everything else falls comfortably into place. Just tell yourself that people who proclaim a different Gospel are just… different. It’s like the difference between hotdogs and hamburgers. If there are no false teachers, then it logically follows that all discernment bloggers are wrong. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
Go with the group. If the majority agrees with you, you must be right. Remember, Jesus wants you to follow the most popular teachers, even when they twist the Bible. Discernment bloggers are not popular, so they must be wrong. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
Lump them all together. It’s true: some discernment bloggers are too extreme and exaggerate too much, or they go off on some crazy bunny trails; therefore you can ignore everything that every discernment blogger says (see points 1 & 2).
Writing for The Federalist, Lutheran Pastor Hans Fiene, who is the creator of Lutheran Satire, has come up with three simple steps “that will help you pave the next mile of the Sexual Liberation Expressway and get those Bible-believing bigots off the road.”
In the not-too-distant future, when the transgender wars are over and the stick figure placards for male and female bathrooms have been thrown in the dustbin of history, the sexual progressives will need a new sexual practice to de-stigmatize. Whether it’s incestuous marriage or some other long-oppressed form of sexual expression, the new cause will emerge, desperately in need of a defense. On that day, we will need a liberated theologian to rise from the muck of church prejudice and explain away all those pesky passages of the Bible that prevent dimwitted bigots from embracing the new orthodoxy.
While this task may seem daunting, it can actually be carried out with ease if you follow the very simple formula given to us by Eliel Cruz. In a recent article for The Washington Post, Cruz argues Christians have no legitimate grounds on which to oppose transgenderism because the erroneously-interpreted-for-2,000-years Bible actually praises the practice.
Apprising Ministries believes this is all too true in today’s evangelicalism.
Using some satire Apprising Ministries warns you that an mythological “Jesus” of liberal theology has found his way into evangelical teachings.
You may recall that at the recently concluded Passion 2013 conference Louis Giglio brought in Jesus Culture, a ministry of Bill Johnson’s Bethel Church, to lead worship.
Apprising Ministries has shown you that NAR Apostlette Cindy Jaoobs is a spiritual mother to Jesus Culture. In this video clip she makes a candid admission.
Apprising Ministries brings you some reductio ad absurdum concerning the way evangelical prophet-leaders like Steven Furtick turn the Gospel backward.
Apprising Ministries has just now intercepted a most shocking interstellar transmission as you’ll see in this exclusive video clip.
Apprising Ministries brings you exclusive video of an audacious dream-off between Seeker Driven prophet-leader Steven Furtick and SNL’s Stuart Smalley.
As spiritual darkness grows within broader evangelicalism, Apprising Ministries believes this satire makes an important point.
Apprising Ministries brings you a video clip that we feel you must see to believe. Satire that hits way close too close to reality for a supposed evangelical pastor.
You say you’re tired of hearing about how God’s a veritable Chatty Cathy with others, but He doesn’t seem to be speaking directly to you.
Well, Apprising Ministries brings you a Seeker Driven leader who claims to know a fool-proof way to hear from God and to know where He’s working.
Apprising Ministries brings you this must-read segment from what could be a new Bible translation.
Apprising Ministries says now you’ll know truth concerning progressive emergent heretics like Tony Jones and his “pastor” Doug Pagitt.
Apprising Ministries with this latest scoop and some shocking truth?
We live in a time where doctrinal lines are being blurred at warp speed. Apprising Ministries with an important reminder in these days of growing syncretism.
Apprising Ministries real could wonder: is this a new game show, or maybe a mixed martial arts contest. Find out here.
It could happen. Apprising Ministries alerts you that women pastors are the next wave coming into mainstream evangelicalism.