Steve Kozar of Messed Up Church offers 7 ways for professing Christians to rebuff “discernment bloggers” in order to hang on to beliefs not found in Scripture, should they so choose. Here are his suggestions:
Want to stay comfortable in your (theologically shallow & Biblically illiterate) Christian beliefs? Even if those beliefs are not really based on God’s Word?? Of course you do! Here’s a guide that will keep you in the dark, and will help you to avoid the bothersome content of whichever discernment bloggers are currently bugging you:
Start with this assumption: There aren’t any false teachers. With this handy starting point everything else falls comfortably into place. Just tell yourself that people who proclaim a different Gospel are just… different. It’s like the difference between hotdogs and hamburgers. If there are no false teachers, then it logically follows that all discernment bloggers are wrong. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
Go with the group. If the majority agrees with you, you must be right. Remember, Jesus wants you to follow the most popular teachers, even when they twist the Bible. Discernment bloggers are not popular, so they must be wrong. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
Lump them all together. It’s true: some discernment bloggers are too extreme and exaggerate too much, or they go off on some crazy bunny trails; therefore you can ignore everything that every discernment blogger says (see points 1 & 2).
Writing for The Federalist, Lutheran Pastor Hans Fiene, who is the creator of Lutheran Satire, has come up with three simple steps “that will help you pave the next mile of the Sexual Liberation Expressway and get those Bible-believing bigots off the road.”
In the not-too-distant future, when the transgender wars are over and the stick figure placards for male and female bathrooms have been thrown in the dustbin of history, the sexual progressives will need a new sexual practice to de-stigmatize. Whether it’s incestuous marriage or some other long-oppressed form of sexual expression, the new cause will emerge, desperately in need of a defense. On that day, we will need a liberated theologian to rise from the muck of church prejudice and explain away all those pesky passages of the Bible that prevent dimwitted bigots from embracing the new orthodoxy.
While this task may seem daunting, it can actually be carried out with ease if you follow the very simple formula given to us by Eliel Cruz. In a recent article for The Washington Post, Cruz argues Christians have no legitimate grounds on which to oppose transgenderism because the erroneously-interpreted-for-2,000-years Bible actually praises the practice.
Apprising Ministries believes this is all too true in today’s evangelicalism.
Using some satire Apprising Ministries warns you that an mythological “Jesus” of liberal theology has found his way into evangelical teachings.
You may recall that at the recently concluded Passion 2013 conference Louis Giglio brought in Jesus Culture, a ministry of Bill Johnson’s Bethel Church, to lead worship.
Apprising Ministries has shown you that NAR Apostlette Cindy Jaoobs is a spiritual mother to Jesus Culture. In this video clip she makes a candid admission.
Apprising Ministries brings you some reductio ad absurdum concerning the way evangelical prophet-leaders like Steven Furtick turn the Gospel backward.
Apprising Ministries has just now intercepted a most shocking interstellar transmission as you’ll see in this exclusive video clip.
Apprising Ministries brings you exclusive video of an audacious dream-off between Seeker Driven prophet-leader Steven Furtick and SNL’s Stuart Smalley.
As spiritual darkness grows within broader evangelicalism, Apprising Ministries believes this satire makes an important point.
Apprising Ministries brings you a video clip that we feel you must see to believe. Satire that hits way close too close to reality for a supposed evangelical pastor.
You say you’re tired of hearing about how God’s a veritable Chatty Cathy with others, but He doesn’t seem to be speaking directly to you.
Well, Apprising Ministries brings you a Seeker Driven leader who claims to know a fool-proof way to hear from God and to know where He’s working.
Apprising Ministries brings you this must-read segment from what could be a new Bible translation.
Apprising Ministries says now you’ll know truth concerning progressive emergent heretics like Tony Jones and his “pastor” Doug Pagitt.
Apprising Ministries with this latest scoop and some shocking truth?
We live in a time where doctrinal lines are being blurred at warp speed. Apprising Ministries with an important reminder in these days of growing syncretism.
Apprising Ministries real could wonder: is this a new game show, or maybe a mixed martial arts contest. Find out here.
It could happen. Apprising Ministries alerts you that women pastors are the next wave coming into mainstream evangelicalism.
Apprising Ministries brings you this semi-staire video, which also has some strong teaching from John MacArthur and Paul Washer against the spiritually bankrupt Word Faith prosperity of the heretical Joel Osteen.
Apprising Ministries has what could be a most shocking story. Who would have thought it might even come to this?
With tongue placed firmly in cheek, Apprising Ministries brings you news of yet another new Bible translation.
In these times of growing apostasy and postmodern confusion Apprising Ministries continues helping you to broaden your vocabulary.
Herescope defines another neologism, rhema scriptura:
- The teaching that all things in Scripture are not self-contained, sufficient, plain or complete as written, but that in compensation for Scripture’s insufficiency, a new Word from God is needed for this generation and now being delivered by self-appointed and self-anointed apostles and prophets (or other mystics), whose spoken words (i.e., rhēma) now supersede, override or render obsolete that which is written in the Bible – the faith which was once delivered to the saints (Jude 1:3b).
Apprising Ministries catches wind of rumors of unusual conference.
With all the superstition and syncretism spreading within contemporary evangelicalism, Apprising Ministries thinks something like this really may not be satire for long.